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Give us a joke... go on it might be funny :)
- Thread starter BBC
- Start date
Studio Tan
Well-Known Forumite
Glam
Mad Cat Woman
Two women were playing golf
.
One teed off and watched in horror as her ball flew directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball struck one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands over his groin, dropped to the ground, and rolled around in agony.
The woman rushed over and said, “I’m so sorry! Please let me help -I'm a physical therapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you’ll let me.”
The man replied, “Oh no, I’ll be fine in a few minutes.”
But he was clearly in agony, curled up in the fetal position and still holding his groin.
At her insistence, he finally agreed. She gently moved his hands aside, loosened his pants, and placed her hands inside. She administered a tender and expert massage for several long moments and then asked, “How does that feel?”
He replied, “It feels great… but I still think my thumb’s broken.”
One teed off and watched in horror as her ball flew directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.
The ball struck one of the men. He immediately clasped his hands over his groin, dropped to the ground, and rolled around in agony.
The woman rushed over and said, “I’m so sorry! Please let me help -I'm a physical therapist and I know I can relieve your pain if you’ll let me.”
The man replied, “Oh no, I’ll be fine in a few minutes.”
But he was clearly in agony, curled up in the fetal position and still holding his groin.
At her insistence, he finally agreed. She gently moved his hands aside, loosened his pants, and placed her hands inside. She administered a tender and expert massage for several long moments and then asked, “How does that feel?”
He replied, “It feels great… but I still think my thumb’s broken.”
Glam
Mad Cat Woman
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh, it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM, the husband got up, went to the kitchen, and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here, have this, he gives the sandwich and beer to the statue.
Then he said to the statue:
'I stood like that for two days at the Smiths house and nobody offered me anything!!..
'Hurry,' she said, 'stand in the corner.'
She rubbed baby oil all over him, then dusted him with talcum powder. 'Don't move until I tell you,' she said. 'Pretend you're a statue.'
'What's this?' the husband inquired as he entered the room. 'Oh, it's a statue,' she replied.
'The Smiths bought one and I liked it so I got one for us, too.'
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 AM, the husband got up, went to the kitchen, and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
'Here, have this, he gives the sandwich and beer to the statue.
Then he said to the statue:
'I stood like that for two days at the Smiths house and nobody offered me anything!!..
Glam
Mad Cat Woman
A cat died and went to Heaven.
God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said,
“You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said,
“All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.”
God said, “Say no more.”
Instantly, the cat had a HUGE fluffy pillow.
A few days later, 12 mice were simultaneously killed in an accident and they all went up to Heaven together.
God met the mice at the Gates of Heaven, with the exact same offer that He made to the cat.
The mice said,
“Well, we have had to run all of our lives… from cats, dogs, and even from people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller-skates, we would never have to run again.”
God answered, “It is done.”
All the mice had beautiful little roller-skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat… He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.
God gently awakened the cat and asked,
“Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?”
The cat replied,
“Oh, everything is just WONDERFUL… I’ve never been so happy in my life! My pillow is always fluffy and those little “Meals-on-Wheels” that You have been sending over are delicious.”
God met the animal at the Pearly Gates and said,
“You have been a good cat all of these years. Anything you want is yours for the asking.”
The cat thought for a moment and then said,
“All my life I lived on a farm and slept on hard, wooden floors… I would like a real fluffy pillow to sleep on.”
God said, “Say no more.”
Instantly, the cat had a HUGE fluffy pillow.
A few days later, 12 mice were simultaneously killed in an accident and they all went up to Heaven together.
God met the mice at the Gates of Heaven, with the exact same offer that He made to the cat.
The mice said,
“Well, we have had to run all of our lives… from cats, dogs, and even from people with brooms. If we could just have some little roller-skates, we would never have to run again.”
God answered, “It is done.”
All the mice had beautiful little roller-skates.
About a week later, God decided to check on the cat… He found her sound asleep on her fluffy pillow.
God gently awakened the cat and asked,
“Is everything okay? How have you been doing? Are you happy?”
The cat replied,
“Oh, everything is just WONDERFUL… I’ve never been so happy in my life! My pillow is always fluffy and those little “Meals-on-Wheels” that You have been sending over are delicious.”